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101 Damnations

It's a good thing Danny has the voice of an angel when singing because his rap career will not get him far. No offense Merton. You know I love you. As for the rest of the show, i don't even like dogs, but somehow i managed to regress into a gibbering puddle of goo by the end of this ep. I am such a girl. don't tell anyone please. I'm sorry, but Tommy and the puppy together just did it for me. Oh, also the "Bone me" comment Tommy made to Merton. Heheheh. (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 1st, 2002

Baby On Board

Ah, hillarity. this ep had some great writing in all honesty. yeah, there were some minor discrepencies, but hey- i don't watch the show to pick at the details. BWOC always comes through with the physical comedy, awesome scripts, and cough*eyecandy*cough. i will question wardrobe this time however. what was up with merton's shirt? oh yeah, and the alien mom reminded my weird ass of Marilyn Manson. (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted March 6th, 2002

Being Tommy Dawkins

BWOC always manages to "reference" (read: rip off) some memorable film or another, but this was the most blatant yet. i love how they just revel in it.. Brandon did a killer job portraying Merton; he even got the laugh right. this was a very happy half hour for me. (10/10)
· by JMDingle; posted March 6th, 2002

Blame It On The Haim

You gotta love guest cameos. And wasn't it adorable how Merton followed "C.H." around like a wittle puppy? Awwww... That is, until his new boss's revelation. By the way, good call on that whole ferocious undead bloodsucker theory, Mert. I swear, nothing gets past this guy. SO WHY DOESN'T ANYONE EVER LISTEN TO THE POOR KID?! Ah well. I'll always believe you Merton. Other memorable bits: Merton's studly vampire slayer get-up and Tommy's too-cute jealousy schtick when Mr. Haim puts the moves on Lori. (8/10)
· by JMDingle; posted January 24th, 2002

The Boy Who Tried Wolf

werewolf or not, i would never, EVER let any of my friends do dental work on me... before merton had to go and turn all evil (mmm..evil merton), the boys hanging out as wolf buddies was so precious. merton's chest toupee was just nasty though. i'm not normally anal retentive at all when it comes to BWOC, but why did werewolfism make merton's chest hairy and not tommy's...? (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted March 12th, 2002

Commie Dawkins

Okay, i know i suck, but i cant resist: it's QUOTE TIME! Merton: "Come on. Go primal!!" Tommy: "I just wolfed out. I can't do it again so soon! This has never happened to me before..." I'm not even gonna go there. This episode was highly enjoyable. Yes, wittle merton and wittle tommy were definately up there on the cute factor (actually, the kid that played junior tommy was kinda ugly. i'm sure in actuality brandon was way more adorable than that as a youth). and yes, brandon does look strangely hotter in orange. go figure. (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 26th, 2002

Dances Without Wolves

Singing, dancing, slapstick, and now Eastwood impersonations? Is there anything Danny Smith cant do? Killer episode. Like everyone else said, the concept was indeed great. i thought chuck really sucked ass as the Pleasantville Werewolf, not just because he was an evil one, but he didnt have any of tommy's charisma, boyish charm, dashing good looks, or cool ass sidekicks. it's a good thing our boy realised his destiny in the end, no? and it was touching how Merton through aside his doubts and trusted Tommy even though they hardly knew eachother. the season 3 eps just keep getting better and better. *gush gush* (10/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 11th, 2002

Everybody Fang Chung Tonight

i like how Tommy took absolutely no convincing to get into goth drag. the idea just pops into Merton's head and BAM! we have Asmodius Dawkins, complete with eyeliner, lipstick and nailpolish... and only Merton could convert to kobi..kobai..kobayesk.. vampirism and still be uncouth. (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted March 12th, 2002

Faltered States

I've always been drawn to Merton's baby-smooth complexion, so the facial hair annoyed me. And don't get me started on how 90% of his girlfriends on the show look like 40 year old men in drag...(but does anyone notice how Merton gets way more action than Tommy ? Think about it...) Oh yeah, and how many self-respecting goths do you know would be caught dead -so to speak- at a Beck concert? Sheesh. I stop bitching now. The rest of the ep was pretty good actually. (8/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 1st, 2002

Frank Stein

well this was one of the eps that emphasized the commeraderie (sp?) between merton and tommy the most, which i simply live for. those guys are just the cat's pajamas. yeah, this one was corny, but oh well. i love frankenstein ripoffs. i think in a way it was a fitting homage to "Young Frankenstein", particularly Edgar's plundering of the "village idealist's" tomb. Vive los BWOC! (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 26th, 2002

The Girl Who Spied Wolf

Aaahhh... This was just one of those eps that made me very, very happy. this show's better than valium, i tell you. merton looked smashing in his leotard- i'm sorry, UNItard. and there are just too many great parts to mention; i think everyone else covered most of them. it was nice to be reminded of lori's humble beginnings as a slutty little beyotch..(i mean,c'mon--when she's giving tommy her alibi at the factory she sounds like she's auditioning to be a phone sex operator: "I was at home, taking a nice....HOT....bubblebath...") I'm glad her character developed alot more over the season! the script for this show was great also. merton's "and i just wet my pants" made me giggle out loud. teehee! (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 20th, 2002

Hellection

Though i couldn't begin to tell you precisely why, this ep ranked a perfect (and rare) 10. Tommy's "save my precious chicken in all its yummy forms" campaign was giggleriffic. Mr. McG was some refreshingly entertaining new blood- especially in full demon regalia. (I say this because i am easily distracted by shiny objects, and man was this guy shiny!) And now, like the hopelessly lust-stuck schoolgirl i portray online, i must point out today's Merton Moment. Is it just me, or did anyone else notice how INSANELY HOT Merton looked in the burgundy shirt they had him wearing... i believe it was his 3rd outfit in the episode, and it was rather form-fitting. some might call him short and pasty, but good god that boy's got a nice rack on him. My drool cup overfloweth. (10/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 6th, 2002

I Dream Of Becky

Okay, so i wont waste valuable space complaining about the genie. i will, however, point out the following priceless line(s), uttered after tommy comes to the horrifying realisation that he is attracted to "the beckster"-- Tommy: "So what do I do now?" Merton: "Go to confession, you dirty dirty wolf!" (8/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 16th, 2002

Imaginary Fiend

Wasn't it grand to get a glimpse into Merton's childhood? And let's see..Tommy and Lori have their first "date", blah blah blah..... Be it known to all that if, God forbid, i should ever be struck with a terminal illness, my one wish (to be fulfilled through the Make A Wish Foundation, of course) would be to sit down and play a game of Clue with sweet Merton. (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted January 17th, 2002

Interview With A Werewolf

Fat, invisible, old, prehistoric... it seems like they go out of their way on BWOC to make Merton as unattractive as possible. Ah well. I know you're under there somewhere baby. Yes, the tongue in the flytrap bit was priceless. As was the exit scene where lovestruck Merton flits away from the flowershop to the sound of twittering birds, while his legs don't seem to move. I love the cartoony aspects of the show. One thing i found very interesting: Danny was allowed to portray all the stages of aging Merton, but in the end when (Werewolf) Tommy turned into an old geezer, they used a different actor all together. This gave Danny a chance to showcase his brilliant acting skills once again, while proving to us that Brandon doesn't have quite that much range. It's okay Brandon. You're still damn pretty. (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 5th, 2002

Invisible Merton

One question: how in god's name am i supposed to *ahem* to an invisible Merton? Ah well, it's not like i'm not used to envisioning the lad when he's not really there.... I thought it was cute of Tommy to join the GFG for Merton. A decent episode, though i sincerely hope it's the last in which we see so little of the show's obvious star. (8/10)
· by JMDingle; posted January 17th, 2002

Manchu: Part Deux

What can i say about this one..? Merton was too adorable in his Syndicate getup. The only robe i'd rather see him wearing would be mine. heheh. Another bonus: you get to hear Merton say the word "sex". heheheheh. ok, ok actually it was "sexy", and it was in reference to (evil) Lori. leave me alone. Speaking of Miz Baxter, i was horribly offended at the scene wherein she punched poor defenseless Merton in his tight little stomach. Grrrrrrr. (8/10)
· by JMDingle; posted January 17th, 2002

The Manchurian Werewolf

After much deliberation, i've decided that i do in fact like this ep a bunch. It kinda bugs me to see tommy and lori make out though, being as how they have ZERO on-screen chemistry, but i shant go into that at the moment... Ah yes, and rant #2: why oh why couldn't merton have been succesfully bitten??? i know 90% of the eps center around him (no complaints here), but surely i'm not the only one who thinks it would've kicked infinitely more ass to see evil-merton-wolf than evil-lori-wolf! (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 17th, 2002

Mind Over Merton

Alright let me try and be gentle here... well this ep had the potential to be alot more entertaining than it was. sorry, that's just how i feel. the head morphing scenes were kinda weak. i guess the new and improved TnT were vaguely amusing, but that's about it. i did manage to give this one a 7, however, due to the fact that i would watch Danny & Brandon read pages out of a phone book for half an hour. (7/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 17th, 2002

N'Sipid

This ep is in my top ten favorites. What a great name for an episode. And it's about time someone satirically victimized the current rash of boy bands out there. By the way, why are there no pics of Merton for us to view from N'Sipid? I mean come on. He is so (i can fit 466 o's here) hot. I'd also like to say i think they got their plot concept for this one from yours truly, as i've always harbored suspicions that Joey Fatone (say it phonetically, it's more fun that way!) hails from Uranus. (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted January 17th, 2002

Samurai Play It Again

Woohoooo! Out takes!!! Kick ASS! Okay that was eloquent. Seriously though, Danny & Brandon's heartfelt rendition of the Hungry Bucket theme at the end just made my entire month. If there is a god in heaven, they will grant us with more bloopers to come. This ep was great, the bad japanese voice dubbing was so perfect i nearly wet myself. Oh, and let us not forget (drumroll please).... they ACTUALLY gave Merton a CUTE CHICK! Kyuki was so adorable, not even remotely mannish. i think this marks a first for the series, don't you? in case you haven't read my other reviews or, hell, watched the show at all, Merton's "conquests" always look like transvestites who really aren't even trying. But not this little hottie! I loved the part where tommy gave merton a "Right On!" for scoring the kiss. (10/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 11th, 2002

Pleased To Eat You

Sorry to disappoint you all, but i really have no review for this ep, due to the fact that i spent the entire show contemplating on wether or not i would still do a morbidly obese Merton.
· by JMDingle; posted January 17th, 2002

Rob: Zombie

I agree with adam-- throwing zombies in the mix always makes for great horror/comedy. this ep was super-campy. i loved it! i must say i was on the edge of my seat when merton nearly parted with his sweet sweet braaaain. heheh. and i dont know where they dug up (sorry 'bout that) the guy who played rob, but he was awesome. reminded me of a few of my own ex-boyfriends... (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 17th, 2002

The Sandman Cometh

Okay Lori once again you can go to hell: i think i speak for many when i say i would KILL to wake up in Merton's bed. Sleepyhead Merton was the adorablest thing i've ever seen (weee! i made up a word again!), followed closely by sleepyhead Tommy. The rock-a-bye-baby in the chair bit was too much. Sadly though i had to deduct 2 points from this ep for the following reasons: A. The "girl of Merton's dreams". It was painfully obvious they pulled a drag queen off the boulevard for this role. (note, however, that even as i type this i am taking testosterone supplements and am no longer shaving any body parts...) B. Though adequately scary in appearance, the Sandman's voice was not exactly hair-raising. Methinks something like Oogie Boogie's voice (nightmare before xmas) would've suited him better. (8/10)
· by JMDingle; posted February 1st, 2002

Save The Last Trance

alls i can say here is i woulda had WAY more fun with Merton and a truth spell. oh and i also enjoyed Tommy's shining moment of glory. i'm so proud! 'the teacher has bested the student'... so mote it be, Tommy, so mote it be... (9/10)
· by JMDingle; posted March 8th, 2002

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